Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
