would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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