so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
either way he was missing a nipple.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
