Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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