It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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