I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
