Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
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