I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Randomize
