Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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