Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
And then my night got REAL pukey
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