I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
