I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
