with your own penis?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
