its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
