I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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