She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
