Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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