Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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