she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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