ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i came on her dog
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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