Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
