I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
