According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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