He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
