Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
