What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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