dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
