I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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