The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
