Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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