accomplished twins. life is a go
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
