After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
