party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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