Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My vagina just recognized that song.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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