Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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