Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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