I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
home. puking in laundry basket.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
