When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
