i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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