What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Someone came in the potted fern
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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