My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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