She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
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Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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