Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
