sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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