he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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