so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
