Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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