I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
