Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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