i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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