The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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