i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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