uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
