girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
