i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
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He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
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We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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