so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
