I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
