She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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