The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
