oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
