I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
