I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
