...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Houston, we have a squirter
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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