I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
