hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
