Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
