I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
