sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
