Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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