True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
