So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize