If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
