u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
