ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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