we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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