I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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