i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
