it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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